Disclaimer: murdermurdermurder.com does not condone any criminal acts, the article below is for entertainment and informational purposes only.
So here’s your predicament. You wake up, maybe the morning after a good night out, and through bleary eyes notice that someone is laying next to you. Very good night out you think.
As you rouse you notice that something is not quite right… Yup, that person is dead (dun dun dun).
You have no idea how it happened but you know for sure if you ring it in you’re going down for murder. Maybe you’re already on your third strike? Maybe you just know in your gut that no one will ever believe you didn’t have a hand in their death. You aren’t even sure yourself.
Question is; how do you dispose of the body?
Here are 6 different ways that serial killers and murderers have gone about the predicament in the past.
We’ve all seen Breaking Bad (if you haven’t you really should), and the body disposal in a bath full of hydrofluoric acid. Whilst this may seem an outrageous method concocted by a genius scientist-turned-criminal, it is actually a well-known method that murderers have been using for decades – e.g. Jeffrey Dahmer, John George Haigh.
The show uses Hydrofluoric Acid, which according to my research (not a recommended topic to search for by the way), would work. Eventually. Though Mr. White and Pinkman have success with this method, lye (sodium hydroxide) would be the preferred method. Commonly found as an ingredient in drain cleaner because of its ability to dissolve biological tissues (hair, skin cells etc).
I got as far as I wanted to go researching this without looking for whether 55 gallon drums of lye were even legally available to anywhere that isn’t a registered laboratory! (I’m sure owning this site has put me on various government watchlists…)
A widely used alternative to burial for funerals for thousands of years, cremation (the burning of a cadaver) leaves very little remains and essentially no evidence.
Unless you have access to an industrial furnace however, and one you could sneak a heavy body to, then an open fire is probably your only choice if you wish to dispose by fire.
What isn’t apparent until it’s too late though, is that burning bodies stink. Really stink. Ever singed your hair lighting a cigarette or using hair straighteners? Times that by a thousand, add in the rotting burning flesh smell and the fact you have no control over the ventilation of the fumes and you’re probably in for a bad time.
It is not uncommon for a murderer’s charred victim to be identified through dental remains (the teeth are some of the smallest bones that fall straight to the bottom of the fire and thus don’t see the same heat).
Let's move on...
Probably the most obvious of solutions. What isn’t obvious though is where? Where do you bury a body? If you’re John Wayne Gacy then you do it inside of your very home. Although it might be easier to get away with digging a big hole where potentially no one will see or question you, it leaves the evidence very close to home (literally).
A fresh grave.
Macabre as digging up a fresh grave seems, you already have one dead body on your hands to deal with so if this sounds a step too far you should probably reside yourself to eating jailhouse dinners from now on and turn yourself in.
The idea behind using a fresh grave is to mask the smell to sniffer dogs (especially if you bury your corpse underneath the coffin replacing the coffin back on top). Alongside that, is the fact you are using a location where the soil has already been freshly dug and doesn’t look suspicious.
I'm gonna guess that you passed on this option? The next isn't much better...
A human body is pretty large and cumbersome right? So the obvious solution is to cut it into smaller pieces right? The most gruesome hands on method to body disposal has to be dismemberment.
A very personal affair, chopping off a person’s limbs pretty much secures your invitation to hell, even after the fact that you are reading an entry on how to dispose of a body.
If you can do this in a secluded place, somewhere you can spend a long time cleaning up after, uninterrupted, then your body disposal plans become much easier. Patrick Kearney utilised this very method to dispose of victim’s body parts in different locations across California. Wrapped in trash bags and discarded in random garbage cans, any limbs that were discovered became a lot harder to identify and thus finding the killer harder also.
A gangsters favourite, the ol’ cement boots. This method is portrayed in many movies. It seems to be a very successful option.
Discarding a body in the ocean speeds up decomposition, underwater currents can knock the body into rocks and the seabed, potentially covering any evidence of injuries inflicted beforehand.
If you are lucky, the body will never wash up on shore anywhere. Not so good if you live inland though…
Yes, pigs. You are reading that correctly. No, I don't mean dress the bodies in pig costumes to disguise them.
Pigs have teeth strong enough to bite and grind through human bone, and if hungry enough will eat absolutely anything. Digestion may not prevent all of the bone fragments coming out the other end but, honestly, if you aren’t suspected of being a murderer already, who is going to go through pig poop on a whim there might be evidence in there?
It is speculated that wealthy Canadian pig farmer and serial killer Robert "Willy" Pickton fed his victim’s bodies to his pigs.
Given that just by reading this article you are now probably, maybe, having your browser history checked as we speak, you may as well comment below what you think would be the best method for your hypothetical body disposal?
Or at least lie about it to throw police off the scent?
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